WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
