OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
