Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
