We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
