Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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