Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
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