can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
