So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm passing your future prison.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
