My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
