Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
