you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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