Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
