Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
