i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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