My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
