I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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