Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
