it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
