I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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