Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This is my gift to your gina
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
