meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
