I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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