Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
