Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
