made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
