just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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