White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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