One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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