So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
