Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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