the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
FUCK WHALES
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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