You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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