: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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