Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I will be naked everywhere
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sorry my hands just texted you
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
