his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
