You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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