I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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