I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
