My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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