ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
