Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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