So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
