Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
