you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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