? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
