Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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