i just wanna soil my oats bro
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Randomize
