i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
