I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
