Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
