tell your sister to shave her snatch
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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