Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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