I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
