ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
