Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
