my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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