I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
