i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
